


Caffeine for the Heartache

by CasualMaraudering



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Blind Character, Brotherly Love, Family Angst, Financial Issues, Gay Sirius Black, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Insomnia, M/M, Minor Depressive Thoughts, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Probable Caffeine Addiction, Sleep Deprivation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:35:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22365736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CasualMaraudering/pseuds/CasualMaraudering
Summary: Sirius may need a bit of a push to finally realize he's really not doing as well as he says he is.Falling in love in the process is just an added bonus/Or: They met at a coffee shop, and the rest is history.[currently on hiatus]
Relationships: Regulus Black & Sirius Black, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 106
Kudos: 298





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title from: Glass House by Machine Gun Kelly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been so long since i wrote a multi chaptered fic!! hope this will be smooth and non stressful to write haha!  
> 

Sirius is running on two hours of sleep within the last 48 hours, seven cups of coffee - _or was it eight? -_ and too much Panic! At The Disco when he meets the love of his life.

Now, mind you, he’s only 19, and he doesn’t even know the guy, but he already _knows_ they’re bound to fall in love, get married, buy a house with a picket fence and have three children. And a dog. A big dog.

Anyway. The point is - _love of his life_. Right there in this small, suburban cafe.

“Reggie, I’m in love,” he says instantly, not taking his eyes off of this angel of a man. He’s got the smile of an angel, anyway. And hair, too - angels have curls, that’s just scientific.

“The fuck are you on about?” his brother replies, with too much snarky confidence for a 14 year old. He’s been spending too much time with Lily, Sirius reckons. Bad influence and whatnot, that girl.

“That guy in the corner,” Sirius still hasn’t taken his eyes off him, by the way. “The curly haired one, with the laptop. And don’t swear.”

“Who’s he? Like a boyfriend or something? I’m leaving if you dragged me here just to make out with your stupid boyfriend, you were supposed to help me study!”

“What? No, he’s not my boyfriend, I’ve literally never seen him before.”

Regulus blinks. “And yet you say you’re in love?”

“Yes, I’m quite positive I am. Don’t you think our kids would look beautiful?”

“You’re insane.”

“You think they’ll have curls? I hope they will. Or the freckles.”

Regulus sighs and runs his hand through his hair - now that’s a habit he’s picked from James. Sirius really needs to find more respectable friends to hang with when he’s minding his little brother. Not like Regulus really needs minding to anymore, but still, Sirius is responsible for him, so he guesses he should find some positive influences.

Love Of His Life seems like a good sort, which is fantastic. Sirius can bet he studies something smart like literature. Or maybe physics.

“Listen,” Reg says, punching him in the arm. “You’re a fucking mess but-”

“Don’t swear,” Sirius says, absentmindedly - he’s really wondering what Love Of His Life’s taste in music is. He seems like an Ed Sheeran type, and Sirius definitely doesn’t mind that. He could learn some Ed Sheeran songs on his guitar - that’s quite romantic, isn’t it?

“- go ask him out or whatever. I’ll get us something, and then you’re helping me.”

With that, and an eye roll - honestly, _way_ too much time with Lily - he leaves Sirius to his own.

Usually, Sirius wouldn’t just saunter towards a guy _that_ fucking cute, oh no, he’d need some sort of back up or pep talk, from James, preferably. But today, he’s a mess, and lack of sleep makes him incredibly reckless and equally detached from reality, so indeed, he walks towards the table.

Love Of His Life looks up at him when he sits down on the other side, confusion spread on his face.

“Hi,” Sirius says, smiling. He hopes he doesn’t look as messy as he feels - his hair might be a bit wild, but he’s been told that looks hot, so he figures it’s fine.

“Hi?” Love Of His Life replies.

“So I noticed you sitting here, and I thought I’d say hi. Which I already did. But still. Hello.”

He raises a brow at Sirius. So Sirius, as he tends to do when both sleep deprived and thoroughly caffeinated, just keeps on talking.

“I’m here with my brother - helping him with homework, like a responsible older sibling and all that jazz. What are you working on? I bet it’s something smart - you look smart, at least. It’s the jumper, y’know? You wouldn’t mind if we sat with you, maybe? I just thought - you’re sitting alone, I wouldn’t mind the company, for sure, and you seem smart and nice so who knows, maybe Regulus will learn something - I’m the one that’s supposed to be teaching him but I know fuckall about history, honestly - I’m doing art, actually. Are you a history guy? You seem like a history guy?”

“I’m so sorry for him,” Regulus says, sitting down next to Sirius - and kicking him, definitely on purpose. He sets down a cup of coffee for Sirius, and a hot chocolate for himself.

“Is he high?” Love Of His Life asks. Sirius giggles to himself.

“He’s sleep deprived and had too much coffee. And also he’s gay.”

Love Of His Life blinks at that. “And that’s relevant how…?”

“Well, he gets like that around guys he likes. Idiotic, I mean.”

“Oh,” Love Of His Life seems startled, but Sirius can see a blush on his face, and he’s suddenly not mad at Regulus being here anymore.

“Are you single?” Sirius asks, because again - too much caffeine. Whatever filter he has is long gone.

“I really am sorry, he’s a fucking twat when he doesn’t sleep.”

“Swearing, Reggie.”

“You swear all the time!”

“I’m the big brother, I can.”

“And yet I have to do this shit for you,” Regulus says with a huff. “Listen. He likes you, and I promise, he’s actually surprisingly tolerable when he’s had enough sleep and no one lets him touch caffeine. So if you’d humour him and give him your number, or whatever, we’d get out of your hair now.”

Love Of His Life blinks in confusion again. “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

Sirius cocks his head in what he hopes the guy considers cute. “Don’t be like that. If you’re not gay, I get it. But if you are - even a little bit, what’s there to dislike about me, huh? I’m obviously the best looking guy you’ll ever find.”

“And bloody humble too,” Regulus mumbles to himself - Sirius kicks him.

Love Of His Life - Sirius should find a shorter nickname, or ask for his name - laughs at that.

“I don’t really care much for appearance.”

“Oh, everybody says that but deep down I’m sure you wouldn’t hate dating someone with a face like mine.”

“I’m blind.”

 _Oh_.

“Shit,” Regulus says - Sirius kicks him again, more out of habit than anything - “sorry, I-”

“I get it, hard to notice. I don’t mind,” he smiles that cute, soft smile again - Sirius remembers why he fell in love all that 15 minutes ago. “Are you still so set on dating me?”

“Yes,” Sirius says without a further thought. “I don’t care. I’m in love with you.”

Angel - shorter, but still not ideal - laughs again. “Leave that for when we know each other a bit more and maybe you’ve had more sleep.”

“Get used to this,” Regulus sighs. “Clinical insomnia, and all. Happens rather often.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he says softly. “So, Regulus, you said?”

“And my idiot brother is Sirius.”

“Parents were really into stars, huh?”

“You could say that,” Regulus mumbles half-heartedly.

Their family is still something they rarely talk about. Ever since they left home - the moment Sirius turned 18, he packed their most important belongings and dragged Regulus out of that hellhole - it was something they just didn’t speak of. It’s a bit less touchy, now, but they mutually agree it’s best left alone, to discuss at a later date, maybe when Reggie is a bit older.

“Mine were into mythology. It’s Remus.”

Sirius smiles brightly, and Regulus groans.

“Stop being so gay,” Reg hisses.

Remus laughs. “You said you’re learning history, right?”

“Yup. French revolution at the moment.”

“Just so happens I’m majoring in history. How about Sirius gets me a hot chocolate, and I’ll help you out?”

Sirius blinks. So does Regulus.

“Will you go on a date with me, then?”

Remus shuts his laptop and scoots a bit closer to them.

“Let’s start with my number first. Ask me again when you’re functioning like a normal human.”

*

The time in the cafe flies by like nothing.

Remus has a lovely voice, Sirius comes to realize. Even when he’s talking through decapitating French monarchy, he makes it sound soothing in a way. Sirius almost thinks he could fall asleep while listening to it, and that’s a gigantic compliment.

He’s also unlike any teacher Sirius has ever had. He’s patient in explaining everything to Regulus - he pauses to let the kid take notes (either when Reggie tells him to, or Remus himself can hear the pen scribbling away on a notepad), goes into further detail or repeats things when he’s asked, hell, even the gentle expression on his face is unlike Sirius’s memory of school. It was always harsh, private tutors, and he either got things right or got smacked with a wooden ruler.

Probably shouldn’t point that out, though. The depths of his childhood drama aren’t exactly something he wants to share just yet.

Mostly cause he _really_ wants Remus not to run away. Skipping the fact he’s incredibly gorgeous and Sirius is positive he’s in love (Remus is going through the exact timeline of the revolution, date by date, when Sirius names all their future children in his head), he seems like a cool guy all around, and someone that can actually properly help Reggie out in school - Remus has done a better job during the last two hours than Sirius has for the entire year.

And, Remus is still here, even after the first hand experience of Sirius, caffeinated and sleep deprived. Not many people can handle that - which means maybe, just maybe, the whole insomnia thing won’t turn into a big deal. Sirius does acknowledge it, but he doesn’t like to think of it as much - he can’t fall asleep like a normal person sometimes (‘sometimes’ being usually four days a week), so what about that? James and Lily make it seem like it’s going to kill him, but it’s not like it’s a drug addiction or anything. He’s just a little manic sometimes, and depressed other times. And then unable to concentrate and constantly exhausted most of the time.

Point is, he can deal with it, therefore it’s not a big deal. So Remus shouldn’t be coaxed into thinking that it’s a big deal, because Sirius likes him the way he is now - not making a big deal out of Sirius being, well… Sirius.

“Hey, asshole!”

Then there’s the fact that lack of sleep makes him a bit detached from reality, so he hadn’t realized Regulus was trying to get his attention until just now, when he jabbed him with his elbow. That’s just something Remus has to get used to.

“What? Are you guys done?” he says, blinking to try and get some sense of his surroundings.

Regulus sighs in a way so dramatic it can only be achieved by a 14 year old boy.

“You’re crashing,” he says. “Which means we should leave.”

Sirius makes an offended sound. It’s as if Regulus thinks he’s the older one!

“I’m not,” Sirius says. “I’m just… thinking. About things. Important things, I’ll have you know.”

“You’re _spacing out,_ is what you are. Which means you’re finally gonna go to bed, I fucking hope.”

“Don’t swear. And I just had coffee!”

“I got you decaf.”

Sirius blinks. “And _why_ would you do that?!” Sirius says, offended, because honestly, there’s no greater offence than decaf coffee. The caffeine is the whole bloody point!

Sirius’s brain functions are lowered due to lack of sleep, so he doesn’t even register that somehow he didn’t notice it was decaf while drinking (if he did realize that, he would be greatly offended with himself - 4 years of being addicted to caffeine and what did that give him? Not being able to taste _decaf?)._

“Maybe,” this time Remus speaks, seemingly highly amused by the ongoing conversation. “he’s, uh, _concerned_ about your sleeping habits and wants you to go to bed?”

“I’m an adult, I go to bed when I want to!”

“The last time you slept was when James drove us to Ikea, and that was yesterday evening. For like 30 minutes.”

“How do you know I didn’t sleep at night, huh?”

“I could bloody hear you pacing around in the kitchen, and you were there when I woke up too. We’re going home before you fucking pass out.”

“Don’t swear. And I’m fine, honestly.”

He yawns, then, so his body doesn’t seem to think so. Regulus rolls his eyes, and Remus giggles.

“I think it’s best you go.” Remus then pulls his phone out and hands it to Sirius. “Put your number in, so I can make sure you did as you’re told and slept for at least a few hours.”

Sirius beams at that, grabbing the phone with probably too much enthusiasm. He makes sure he’s put his number in correctly three times (and sends himself a text just in case) before he carefully places it back in Remus’s hand. With that, their hands touch, and Sirius feels a shiver go up his spine - Remus’s hands are smooth and so _warm._

Sirius definitely wouldn’t mind them in his own hands. Or on his body. _Or around his-_

Okay, yeah, definitely time to go home before he gets too carried away in any fantasies, next to his little brother as well.

“Oh, uh,” Sirius finds himself saying when he gets up. “D’you… need help getting home? Or something?”

Remus smiles at him. “I came here by myself, you do realize that?”

Sirius feels his face flush. “Yeah, I mean! I don’t want to sound rude or stupid but I thought I’d just ask, I dunno, I’ve never known a blind person before so I kinda have no idea what’s the socially acceptable thing to say but it seemed rude to just leave you. Even though I know you’re an adult that can mind himself and I’m sure you’re capable of traveling by yourself I didn’t want to imply you don’t-”

“Stop. Talking,” Regulus hisses, pulling Sirius out of the booth. “You’re being an idiot again.”

“Ah, no, I don’t mind, honestly. Takes time getting used to it, I know. I’ll be fine, though, I promise.”

“Next time,” Sirius says. “I’ll get you a ride home on my bike.”

“Bike? Like a motorbike?”

Sirius beams proudly. “Yup! She’s my baby - built her myself.”

Remus’s brow furrow. “Please don’t tell me you drove here with your younger brother while you’ve slept for a total of half hour since yesterday.”

“Oh, please, who do you think I am?” Regulus asks. “I’d never let him drive the bloody thing when he’s _like that._ We walked, we don’t live far.”

“Good. Let me know when you get home, then,” Remus smiles the gentle smile again, and despite the caffeine crash and his body screaming at him from fatigue, Sirius feels he could run laps around the building right now cause of the happy, bubbly feeling in his stomach.

“You too. I’ll see you around, Remus.”

Sirius and Regulus walk home in silence - mainly because, as much as he hates to admit Regulus was right - Sirius really _is_ crashing. The manic energy he usually has whenever he surpases 30 hours of no sleep is through and gone, so now he’s nothing left but the overpowering fatigue.

His whole body feels heavy; Sirius is glad Regulus is there, supporting him while he walks, cause he finds it hard to concentrate on going straight - his eyelids are closing by themselves, and there’s a dull ache starting to build in his head and nausea creeping in.

At least he knows he’ll sleep. Not for much, but maybe he’ll get a few hours, at least.

He doesn’t register them walking up the stairs, or Reggie opening the door to their apartment - it’s small and cramped, with two bedrooms, a bathroom, and a lounge-slash-kitchen; the sink breaks way too often, the walls are paper-thin, and the shower is not meant for Sirius’s height so he bumps his head into the showerhead every night without fail. It doesn’t compare to Grimmauld in the slightest, but it’s theirs, away from their parents, so neither of them ever really complain.

Sirius wiggles out of his shoes - he curses the fact his motorbike boots are almost knee high and have seven or so straps; they’re a pain to take off, but damn him if they don’t look good. He then throws his jacket onto the couch, and heads towards his bedroom.

“Will you be okay for dinner?” he finds himself asking - he’s not sure if he’ll be awake til later at night, and the fridge is probably empty (he notes in his head that he needs to go grocery shopping first thing tomorrow before work). He might be dead on his feet, but he’d hate himself if he didn’t make sure his brother is okay.

“Yeah, I’ll call Lily and ask her if she’ll pick something up for us,” Regulus says, waving Sirius off. “Just- go to bed, kay?”

Sirius feels a strange sting at that - Regulus shouldn’t have to rely on _Lily._ Sirius should be the one sorting out the food, and his homework, and making sure all is right with his brother. But his stupid fucking sleep deprivation makes it so he can’t, so James and Lily have to check in with Reggie, and then Regulus has to worry for Sirius, when he shouldn’t have to.

Sirius is the older brother, the one that should do the worrying. The one that should be responsible. How is he better than their bloody parents if he can’t even take care of Reggie?

“Mhm,” he settles for, because he feels his throat squeeze uncomfortably, in a way too familiar manner.

Sirius takes one last look at his brother - who’s unpacking his schoolbooks onto the kitchen table (his favourite place to study, cause he’s in close proximity to the kettle) and with that, he sleepily stumbles towards his own bedroom.

He only bothers to take off his jeans and socks, and then he crawls under the duvet and collapses onto the bed.

Sirius somehow remembers to text Remus - it lifts his mood a little, to remember that, despite the probably uncomfortable amounts of pestering, Remus still wanted Sirius to text him; there’s hopes for an actual friendship there, Sirius thinks. Remus doesn’t reply immediately, so Sirius plugs in his phone to charge and leaves it on the nightstand - he’s too tired to wait up for a text back.

He’s exhausted enough to know he _will_ sleep, so thank God for that. And maybe, if he’s lucky, he’ll dream of something nice.

Or, if he’s extra lucky, someone nice.


	2. Chapter 2

The bedroom is pitch black when Sirius wakes up. And right from the moment he opens his eyes, he feels like death.

His throat is dry and sore - as if he’s caught a nasty cold or spent the past two days drinking - and his eyes feel heavy and wet. He’s sweaty, there’s a rather painful squeeze to his stomach, and his head is pounding.

None of it comes as a surprise, really. He always feels like shit whenever his body decides to catch up on sleep - it’s funny, almost. When he doesn’t sleep at all - he feels awful. And then when he sleeps for more than absolutely necessary - he ends up just as bad, if not worse. A lose-lose situation, his sleeping habits.

There’s a moment of hesitation before he reluctantly reaches for his phone.

_4.52AM_

Undoubtedly, the worst part about his body catching up after bad episodes is how it fucks up his mood. The wrecking _guilt_ for waisting 14 goddamn hours is already set heavy in his stomach. He’s wasted the whole evening - and in his current situation, he can’t fucking afford to do that. He could’ve gone shopping - there’s barely any food in the fridge - or done his schoolwork, or even just spend time with his brother.

And God, thinking about Regulus always manages to make Sirius feels even worse.

Cause he’s supposed to be better than the goddamn fuckup he currently is. He should be able to set a good example. But he can’t. Hell, he feels that Regulus is the one taking care of _him_ more often than the other way around.

Sometimes, Sirius wonders whether he should’ve left Reg at Grimmauld. To live a privileged, rich life they were so used to, with cooks and maids and no worry in the world on his head. They’ve always liked Regulus better anyway - it’s Sirius who’s always been the rebel, the improper one, the hated one. The queer one, though that came a bit later (and it’s not like Sirius ever _told_ anyone. That would’ve gotten him thrown out, and he couldn’t let that happen - he needed to leave on his own terms, with Regulus in tow). Maybe they never would’ve hit Regulus? He knows how to behave, after all.

Yet Sirius couldn’t bring himself to chance it. He can’t stomach the thought of his little brother alone in that godforsaken place. Even if Sirius fucks up at being an adult, at least he can assure Regulus grows up loved and without anyone ever raising their hand on him. It’s all he can do for now.

But, while Sirius would love to stay in bed for the rest of the day - or possibly the rest of time - and sink deeper into the pit of despair he’s fallen into, he can’t. Not when he’s got work at 8 and so many things to do before that. The disgusting mood will stay, just like it always does, but Sirius can just lie his way through the mental disarray he’s got going on. He might be a fuck up, but he’s a fuck up responsible for a human being that needs tending to. If it weren’t for Regulus, well… Sirius probably wouldn’t make it as far as today.

So, with a bit of difficulty, he gets up. Right away he gets overwhelmingly dizzy, and his stomach churns with discomfort. He groans in annoyance and sways towards the bathroom. _What a way to start the day indeed._

After throwing up (and dry heaving for a bit, because he hasn’t eaten in a good while, so there’s not really much to vomit with), Sirius follows his usual routine of loo-teeth-shower-hair drying. It makes him feel a bit better, at least. He throws the clothes he fell asleep in into the hamper (he needs to do the laundry sometime today, he notes) and trots to his bedroom to look for something to wear.

He checks his phone while squeezing himself into his jeans (not as tight as he’d usually go for - he wants to be able to move comfortably at work) and finds he has several messages.

There’s a few from James - nothing important, either random things he did throughout the day or memes. One from Lily, telling him there’s Chinese in the fridge for when he wakes up and that if he tries to slip her the money for it, she’ll slit his throat (typical, but Sirius will find a way to pay her back anyway).

And then, there’s one that actually makes Sirius smile.

**From: Remus**

6.21PM

_Hope you dream about something nice tonight._

Sirius wished he didn’t remember all the extremely embarrassing things he had said to Remus yesterday - declaring love after knowing the man for five minutes being icing on the cake - but they’re stuck in his memory, ready to taunt him tonight when he inevitably won’t be able to sleep. Though, seeing as Remus did send him a text, maybe not all is lost?

**To: Remus**

5.20AM

_I had the nicest dream. Guess who was in it ;)_

There’s no harm in hoping, at least.

* * *

After getting breakfast (and praising Lily for thoughtfulness, because of course, the fridge is empty), Sirius goes through as many chores as he can before he has to hurry off to work. He puts the laundry on, gets groceries - cringes at the bill extremely, but he can’t just feed his brother instant ramen - and even cleans the kitchen a bit. He puts some toast into the toaster (without the crusts, and leaves a kettle full of freshly boiled water next to a box of green tea) and goes to wake Regulus. It’s not that Sirius necessarily needs to - the kid has a phone with an alarm, after all - but he likes it. It makes him feel more involved; more like an actual responsible brother.

Upon knocking on his door, before even Sirius has a chance to enter, he hears a loud groan; Sirius chuckles at that as he steps inside. While he himself had always been an early riser, Regulus loathes mornings more than anything in the world.

“Rise and shine, Your Majesty,” Sirius says brightly, leaning against the doorway. He smiles as he watches Regulus pull the covers over his head.

“‘eout-”

“No can do, you have a maths test today. Out of bed, sir.”

“Mhmm.”

“If I don’t see you at breakfast in ten minutes, I’m dumping a bucket of cold water right on your head.”

“‘u w’ldn’t. You’d h’ve to clean.”

Sirius laughs, shaking his head slightly. “Ten minutes,” he only says, stepping back and closing the door again.

It’s fifteen minutes until Regulus, sleepy and visibly very grumpy, stomps into the kitchen and sits himself next to Sirius at the kitchen table (Sirius lets him have 20 minutes - if it’s more than that, he always finds he had fallen back asleep).

“I’ll be back from work at 6,” he says, passing a cup of tea to his brother, who takes it without even slight hesitation. “D’you wanna wait for me and have dinner then, or do you want to order in?”

“I’ll be back later too,” Regulus informs him, taking small sips of his tea (he takes his tea ridiculously hot, Sirius had learned, which he simply stopped questioning it after a while). “I have a project to do with a friend. I’ll be at her house.”

“A friend, huh?” Sirius’s mouth raises in a smirk. “And what’s that friend’s name?”

Regulus rolls his eyes and huffs. “Amelia.”

Sirius smiles harder. “And are you and _Amelia_ good friends?”

“Oh stop that.”

“I’ve no idea what you’re talking about. ‘m not doing anything.”

“Yes you are!” Regulus says in frustration. “You’re doing the _girls_ thing. She’s not my girlfriend or anything, I don’t like her like that. She’s just a friend.”

Sirius’s gaze softens, and he ends up ruffling Reg’s hair - something he knows Regulus extremely hates.

“I know, I’m just joking around.”

He trusts - and hopes - Regulus would tell him if he started being interested in someone. Both of them aren’t really the type to talk about things like that anyway. Regulus, of course, knows Sirius is gay, but Sirius rarely talks about any boyfriends. Though, that might be cause he doesn’t really do that. Not since they left their parents, anyway.

And it’s not he doesn’t want to; it just never seems like the right time. He’s far too busy with school and then work and then caring for his brother - there’s nowhere to squeeze in dates. And sure, every now and again James and Lily drag him out of the house for the evening, but he never ends up coming home with anybody either; the anxiety about leaving his brother alone for the night is too much. Regulus isn’t a little kid anymore, but Sirius feels he shouldn’t leave him alone for a whole night. Not just yet, at least.

“So when will you be home?” Sirius asks, leaving the table to get his gear on and look for his bike keys (he always manages to loose them, somehow). Thank God for his bike - if it weren't for her, Sirius would be late for work pretty much every day, with how late he leaves the house.

“At 8, maybe?”

“No later than 9, okay? And give me a call if you need me to pick you up.”

“Mhm.”

“You’re grounded if you’re here a second after nine.”

He hears Regulus snort in reply. He walks to the kitchen, ruffles his brother’s hair once again (and earns a very displeased noise in response) and makes his way out the door.

By that time, Sirius’s stomach has settled, and although his head is still throbbing, and he still feels like shit, he’s confident the day at work should pass swiftly. Or so he hopes, at least.

And an hour into the workday, he’s proven wrong.

Working as a mechanic is, obviously, incredibly messy and even more tiring, but today everything seems to go slightly wrong; fussy customers, parts falling onto his feet or hands, accidental burns, and an oil spill all over his trousers. And that’s just little over an hour since he clocked in.

If only he could quit, he would.

Except he has barely any cash in his bank account right now, and it’s not like he has Mummy and Daddy’s fortune to rely on anymore. There’s some savings in his account, but that’s only for emergencies, and it’s not like it’s much. Not enough for rent and utilities, anyway.

Thinking about that always makes Sirius’s stomach clench uncomfortably. He’s so damn _tired_ all the time from constant work, and all his muscles ache at the end of the day, and then there’s always something left to do at home. There’s not really much he can do about that other than to suck it up. It always comes down to Regulus anyway. Sirius isn’t doing it for himself - he wants Reg to have a good life, a _happy_ life, not to be miserable like Sirius had been back in their family home.

He just wants his brother to be happy and healthy, and if that means having to work a few too many hours, then be it.

Sirius’s day passes in a blur of oil spills, clunking of metal, and about four cups of coffee, before he can finally make his way back home and drop onto the couch in exhaustion. The tension in his shoulders aches deeply whenever he moves; the skin on his hands is irritated and red (he really should invest in some moisturizer), and his hair feels uncomfortably dirty even if he's washed it today morning. He could stay on the couch forever.

But of course, life calls. Or more like texts.

And by life, he means James.

**From: Prongs 🥰**

6.15PM

_pub??? now???? come pls?? i miss you :(_

Sirius sighs deeply (and probably far too dramatically). He’s exhausted, and sore, and he wouldn’t even be able to drink because Reggie might call him for a ride later. All he wants is to crawl into bed right now, and hope he can sleep for even just a little bit tonight.

But then, he hasn’t seen his friends in what feels like ages and he genuinely misses them. It might be a bad choice, but well... if there’s one thing Sirius is known for, it’s making bad choices. So he agrees.

He quickly cooks dinner, just so there’s something to heat up when Regulus is back, and leaves a post-it note on the counter in case Regulus is home before him. Then, just as he’s about to throw on his jacket again and rush out the door, a thought pops into his mind. 

He pulls out his phone, sends a quick texts, and leaves his flat.

**To: Remus**

6.21PM

_any chance you wanna come down to Three Broomsticks for a pint? my treat_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops it's been A While. life got in the way heh...  
> today on: just your everyday life of Sirius Living Mess Black


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> somehow i always end up extremely sleep deprived whenever writing this, but i guess that's just in character  
> sorry for the long wait!! (again whoops-) im buried in uni homework and desperately trying to trick my brain into dodging the Quarantine Sad. hope yall are keeping safe!  
> enjoy Sirius being a gay mess yet again

Sirius’s palms are _sweating_ as he waits in front of his favourite pub; the noise is buzzing from the outside, and while usually he thrives in social environments, this time, his stomach is squeezed way too tight. He’s not sure if that’s cause of the usual bullshit, or cause of Remus.

Remus, who surprisingly agreed to meet up at the pub, and who Sirius is positively kind of crushing on. Already. And they’ve known each other for what, 30 hours, maybe?

Great.

Sirius knows he’s rather quick to catch feelings, but that must be a new record. James makes fun of him about that all the time - whenever Sirius happens to stutter through his coffee order when the barista is a cute boy with a nice smile, or when he trips over his own feet at work because the client’s son seems to be looking his way, or even that once in the grocery store when the cashier (extremely Sirius’s type, curls and that sweet librarian/hipster vibe) handed him change, their hands touched, and the coins ended up all over the counter cause Sirius got flustered about the physical contact.

He used to have a reputation in school for being cool and common collected; his friends always laughed their asses off about that. Yes, he’d consider himself rather confident and outgoing - but only as long as he’s talking to people that aren’t his type. He’s not sure why his brain just goes haywire whenever he talks to a guy he considers cute, but it’s something he’s learned to live with.

And Remus is _extremely_ his type. He’s cute and nice (or seems so, at least. Sirius doesn’t know him that well yet, the guy _could_ turn out to be a murderer) and has a very soft smile. Sirius is fucked, to put it simply. But, as he doesn’t know where Remus stands (he’s probably straight. Sirius’s luck always has him crushing on straight guys), all he can hope for is to not be a _complete_ disaster tonight. Remus doesn’t need to know the full extent of what a mess Sirius is just yet. And, well… at least Remus won’t catch him staring.

Out of the corner of his eye, he spots an already familiar head of curls and smiles to himself. He waves at Remus - and then almost smacks himself in the face as he remembers that Remus _can’t see_ (the white cane should’ve been enough of a memo, but well… Sirius is a mess. A very gay, very stupid mess).

“Hey, Remus!”

Remus turns to face him, and Sirius needs to bite back his smile. There's a black beanie on his head, his curls all messy at his forehead cause of it, and he’s wearing a bulky jean jacket, far too big for his thin body. Though, Sirius thinks that it looks incredibly charming.

“Hi,” Remus says when he’s closer, folding his cane.

“‘m glad you came,” Sirius says right away. “I thought you might say no, with me being, uh… in a bit of a _state_ , when we met.”

Remus chuckles. “Reckon you’re a bit more alive now?”

“Alive enough, I’d say. You don’t mind meeting a few friends of mine? We always hang here together.”

“‘s long as they don’t mind meeting me.”

“Oh, no, trust me, they’re thrilled.”

Sirius will _not_ mention that, when he offhandedly said that he’s invited someone he’s met recently, he got immediately bombarded with approximately three thousand questions, and it took his friends less than two minutes to figure out that this someone is A - male, B - Sirius’s type, and C - already an object of daydreams.

He’s hoping none of his friends will embarrass him tonight, but it’s wishful thinking. Embarrassing him in front of his crushes is his friends’ favourite pastime.

“Do you mind leading me inside? It’s my first time here.”

“Oh, sure! But, uh… what do I, uhm... what do I _do?”_

God, he’s making himself look like an idiot already. He really doesn’t even need his friends for that one, huh?

Remus, thankfully, doesn’t seem to be bothered. “Just grab me by the elbow? Don’t walk too fast, hopefully avoid having me bump into anything or anyone?”

“Got it.”

Sirius just hopes Remus can’t hear his heart pounding when he’s guiding him under his arm and leading him inside the small pub.

“Describe it for me?”

Sirius blinks, and then looks around. _English, Sirius, you might be French but you should be able to speak it._

“Oh, uhm… small place, everything wooden and really cosy - there’s a bunch of fairy lights everywhere, I really love that, makes the lighting here super warm and gentle. Might just be me though. There’s a bar up ahead, a few stools, a jukebox, and a stage for karaoke nights, which are on Fridays, by the way. A few tables here and there to the left, and booths to the right. Not too crowded today, there’s a bunch of people up and about, nothing like when there’s footie on, though. Our table is right in the very corner, we’re always there. Rosmerta, the woman who runs the place, always has it cleared for us on Mondays and Fridays, which is when we usually meet. I skip more times than not, though, I’m busy all the damn time, but I try to come ‘round at least once a month, or else Jamie ends up weeping on the phone to me.”

Has he been talking too much? He tends to absolutely run his mouth when nervous, he knows, but to be babbling that much _already?_

He needs a drink. Or seven. Except he can't drink tonight. Just his luck.

“Anything I need to know about your friends?” Remus asks when they make their way to the corner booth- slowly and carefully; Sirius doesn’t want to make a complete ass out of himself and trip while he’s gripping Remus under the elbow.

“Aside from the fact they’re a bunch of crazy maniacs, not really.”

Remus laughs - and Sirius’s stomach does a backflip. “Birds of a feather.”

“‘m taking that as a compliment. I’ve been told insanity is positively charming.”

Remus snorts, but says nothing in reply; it takes them a few more steps, and they’re in front of the table.

“Okay, so, I guess, uhm- everyone, that’s Remus-” Remus does a little wave at that, still keeping close to Sirius. “and Remus, you have a more difficult job, but: from the left. There’s James - my best friend and brother in everything but blood. Bit of a sports freak, so don’t let him bore you to death with that-”

“Says my co-captain from our school footie team,” James says, a bright smile on his face. His eyes - just like everyone else’s - are fixed on Sirius in a particular way, which Sirius absolutely hates, but it’s not something Remus will ever know. “Hi, nice to meet you!”

“Then there’s his girlfriend, Lily, equally as beautiful as she’s terrifying, and a doctor in the making. Which honestly makes her even more terrifying, cause she’ll be even more equipped to hurt people.”

“He’s just scared of me cause I’m in possession of a lot of embarrassing photos featuring him.”

“And that’s why we’re moving on. After that, there’s Marlene, my wife. If we were straight.”

“Ugh, gross.”

“I know, thank you Marlie. Last but not least there’s Fabian, and fun fact about him is that he kissed me when we were 16 and never looked at a woman again.”

“We were drunk and me coming out after that was purely a coincidence.”

“I turned him gay, don’t let him tell you otherwise. So yeah, that’s everyone, welcome to the madhouse.”

“Real convenient that, since I can’t see, I won’t be able to run away, I think you planned that,” Remus says, which earns a laugh out of everybody. Remus seems to relax next to Sirius, even if just a little bit.

James shuffles over - with a wink, the asshole - and Sirius guides Remus to the table, himself sitting between him and Jamie.

“What’re you drinking, Remus?” Fabian asks.

“Oh, just a coke is fine. I don’t really drink.”

James nods. “And you, love?”

Sirius shakes his head. “Not drinking either. Reg’s out and I need to be able to drive if he needs a ride home.”

Fabian gets a list of everyone’s drinks - Marlene is extremely disappointed to find no one is getting smashed with her (on a Monday night, when most of them have classes tomorrow, what a surprise) - and then he leaves to order. With that, the table fills with pleasant chatter. Sirius is happy to see that Remus engages in conversation too, every now and again. He’s clearly a quiet one, but his friends all make sure to try and include him.

He’s turned 19 this year, Sirius learns (born a year later than himself, then; Sirius will be 20 in November), and he’s doing history, but that, Sirius already knew. What he didn’t know is just how fascinating it is to listen to someone rant about Ancient Egypt, especially when the person talking about it is hot. Real easy to get lost in his words, especially with Remus being clearly so passionate about it.

The spell is broken when Fabian is back with everyone’s drinks, and Sirius notices James is staring at him with a very knowing smile.

 _Shut the fuck up,_ Sirius mouths, feeling his cheeks heating up. It’s really not his fault that Remus’s voice does _things_ to him, even when talking about mummies.

“So, Sirius,” said voice saying his name does even more to Sirius than he’d ever admit. “What do you do, then?”

“Illustration,” he replies. “I wanna have my own tattoo parlour one day.”

Remus perks up, leaning forward just a bit. “You got any tattoos?”

“Oh man, _does he,”_ James snorts. “Dude’s like a walking colouring book. Full sleeves on both arms, this gigantic bird thing-”

“It’s a phoenix.”

“- on his back, and what was it on your leg? Some artsy stuff.”

“How very dare you, it’s Van Gogh’s-”

“No one cares,” Marlene chimes in. “He’s the weird art kid of the group. Swear to God if he didn’t do art he’d be a musical theatre major.”

“There’s nothing wrong with musical theatre!”

“That’s… unusual,” Remus finally says, after a moment. “You don’t seem like the art type. _Especially_ not a musicals guy.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. With the whole bike thing, and the tattoos? Wouldn’t take you for someone that enjoys theatre.”

“Just wait until he makes you sit throughout the entirety of Wicked when singing every single line of every single song,” Lily sighs, sipping on her drink. “It’s a hell of a journey.”

Remus smiles. “Even the high notes?”

" _Especially_ the high notes. Trust me, he’s dramatic like that.”

Sirius is usually someone to defend his interests - there’s nothing wrong with a guy like himself liking theatre, thank you very much - but now, he finds his face burning red, and he’s unsure as to what to say. He doesn’t want to say the wrong thing, in case Remus thinks he’s lame now.

“Well... I’m personally more of a Rent guy myself.”

Sirius’s head turns to Remus so fast that he’s almost surprised he hasn’t snapped his own neck.

“You listen to musicals?”

Remus nods, sipping on his coke in a manner that, for some reason, makes Sirius's stomach turn. “They’re more descriptive than movies are, so I typically enjoy them a lot more, cause I have a better understanding at what’s going on. Movies are a bit boring when a friend needs to be describing everything constantly.”

“We could go see one together sometime,” Sirius says, trying to be casual. “Mean Girls is playing at West End.”

“Oh, Sirius is _obsessed_ with Mean Girls. It’s his favourite movie of all time,” Fabian laughs. “He could quote all of it.”

“And that’s not even exaggerating,” Marlene adds. “He quotes it every time we watch it. _Every_ line of it.”

Remus snorts in amusement, eyeing Sirius (Sirius does wonder about the eye contact - Remus is rather good at it, but Sirius doesn’t want to ask as to why he does that in case that’s rude. He’ll just have to google a bunch of stuff when he’s back at home). “Maybe we do have to go see the musical. I’ve never been interested in the movie, since, y’know, can’t actually see it. Heard it’s good, though.”

“I could give you a plot synopsis. In very graphic detail.”

“Please don’t," Fabian groans. “Let’s talk about literally anything else.”

“Oh no, I think Remus needs to have the experience of hearing about Regina’s impact on popular culture-”

“Jesus, not _again.”_

_*_

About an hour and one _extremely_ opinionated discussion about popular media later, Sirius gets a text from Regulus. It’s an absolute shame, because Remus is busy talking about Oscar Wilde, and Sirius is half listening and half mapping out the freckles on the man’s face (there’s a lot of them, and they’re absolutely _delightful_ \- and yes, freckles can and are delightful, especially those on Remus’s nose). His phone buzzes in his pocket, and Sirius checks it as quickly as possible, groaning when he sees the message.

**From: Reggie**

8.43PM

_can you pick me up or should i walk home?_

“Calling it a night, lads,” Sirius sighs, asking Regulus for his friend’s address. “Reg needs a ride.”

“Aww, mummy duties, huh?” Marlene says, making a face. Sirius kicks her under the table.

“We should all get going,” James - _ever the responsible_ \- says then. “Half of us have class tomorrow.”

“What about you?” Sirius turns to Remus. “Do you live far? I could give you a ride.”

“I’m just around the corner, I’ll be good.”

“I’ll walk you.”

Sirius quickly says his goodbyes, and usual promises of trying his best to be there on Friday; the gang all agrees Remus should join, too (Sirius doesn’t miss all the stupid smirks on their faces). Before anyone can say anything stupid and/or humiliating, Sirius bids them all farewell, hooks Remus’s arm around his own, and with that, they exit the building.

For a moment, they walk in comfortable silence - their arms remain attached, Remus trusting Sirius to safely lead him towards the street he lives on. Sirius is thinking he could definitely get used to this. Having Remus tucked into his side, breathing in his cologne, feeling the heat radiating off his body. It’s almost romantic.

“You like your brother a lot,” Remus says, after a while. Not necessarily a question, but not a statement either.

“He’s alright, I guess,” Sirius chuckles. “Bit of a brat. Talks back a tad too much, and is far too much of an asshole for being the baby he is. Good kid, though. Why?”

“Well, you were with him yesterday. And now you're leaving cause of him. You spend a lot of time with him, it’s nice.”

“I have to, we kind of literally live together.”

“Yeah, but… you don’t see siblings quite as devoted as you everyday.”

Sirius sighs. A part of him doesn’t want to mention anything about his situation - it’s twisted, and complicated, and rather a messy thing to get into. But Remus has been nothing but nice and open all evening. It wouldn’t feel right to lie.

“I’m his legal guardian,” he settles for saying. “So y’know… caring for him is kind of my job.”

“Oh,” Remus gasps quietly, slowing down his steps.

Sirius nods. “It’s a _really_ long story, but yeah... it’s just me and him. I’ve been caring for him since I turned 18, basically. Awfully tiring, and thankless. But I’m glad I have him, y’know? Someone has to make sure the kid is happy and healthy.”

“Can’t imagine how hard that must be.”

“Oh it is. You’ve not known hardship unless you’ve tried solving middle school maths problems when you haven’t taken a maths class in literal years.”

Remus laughs then, and Sirius breathes out. It’s not something he likes to rehash; especially given just how depressing it gets when Sirius gets into the details. Remus doesn’t need to know just yet.

They to a stop. “Your street.”

“Thank you. Though you really didn’t need to walk me back,” Remus says with a soft smile.

“I’ll sleep better knowing you’re home safe.”

“You mean _if_ you sleep,” Remus points out, raising his brow.

Sirius rolls his eyes. “Okay, got me there. The thought counts, though. I’ll, uh… see you on Friday? Hopefully?”

He’s glad to see Remus nodding his head. “Friday it is. Thanks for inviting me again.”

“Thanks for showing up.”

They stand there for a little while longer, and Sirius is _so_ tempted to lean down and kiss Remus - especially with the way his hair looks in the streetlight. He doesn’t, though. Before the urge gets the better of him, he turns to where they’d come from, and starts walking back.

He doesn’t let himself look back, and he doesn’t quite calm his heartbeat until he’s already on his bike.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, James calls Sirius 'love', yall can pry that hc from my cold, dead hands


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i meant to make it much longer, but ive realized i have assignments to work on, so here's half of what this chapter was supposed to be, just so yall don't have to wait forever for an update lol

**From: Rem**

7.31PM

_So the part with him falling in love with a guy who broke into his house is a lie?_

**To: Rem**

7.32PM

_not entirely? it’s not confirmed. which means it could be a lie. i like to believe it to be the truth tho_

**From: Rem**

7.35PM

_It’s a little concerning. I mean, you wouldn’t date a man who’d break into your flat._

**To: Rem**

7.36PM

_i would if he’d be cute enough_

**From: Rem**

7.38PM

_Honestly? I don’t know why I’m surprised._

“Hey asshole, the pan is steaming.”

What follows is a phone quickly thrown on the counter (thank God it has a protection layer in front of the actual screen, otherwise Sirius would have to replace it like ten times already), a stream of curses, and a minimal burn on Sirius’s finger; all is contained quickly, and results in an only _slightly_ overcooked stir-fry.

“Maybe you shouldn’t stare at your phone so much when you’re cooking?” Regulus says, brows high in amusement; little shit thinks he’s being smart.

Sirius groans, throwing a cloth at him. “I’m in power here, if you’ve forgotten. Don’t talk back or I’ll take your laptop away.”

“I need it for physics homework.”

“Your phone, then.”

“The one I text you with to let you know when I’m coming home and that I haven’t been kidnapped on my way from school?”

“... your headphones!”

Regulus rolls his eyes. “Right. What a tragedy, truly. Whatever shall I do?”

Sirius isn’t sure how exactly his brother ended up being _this_ much of a little menace. Wasn’t Sirius’s influence, that’s for sure. “Y’know what? Stop being a smartass and eat your dinner before it gets cold.”

_Jeez, he sounds just like the Nanny he had as a child._

Reg rolls his eyes _again_ (really, are all 14-going-on-15 year olds _this_ sassy?! Sirius doesn’t remember being that sassy when he was Reg’s age), but doesn’t comment any further. Sirius grabs his phone again.

**To: Rem**

8.02PM

_sry, had a bit of a kitchen emergency. no actual fire tho, yay me_

Him and Remus have been texting a lot during the past week and a half since the pub. Sirius had no time to meet in person again, but they’ve been talking online almost non-stop. And so far, it’s been incredibly enjoyable. Remus is a pleasure to talk to; he’s quick-witted and fun, always has a sarcastic comment ready. But he’s also sweet, and honest, and likes Queen just as much as Sirius does (Sirius has a plan of trying to find a braille version of a Freddie Mercury biography for Christmas - Remus told him he prefers books he can read himself much more than audiobooks. Makes Sirius’s life a tad harder, but he’s nothing if not stubborn). The last time Sirius had felt such an immediate connection was when he met James, back in preschool.

It doesn’t help his crush in the slightest; if anything, it might’ve made it worse. Sirius’s heart picks up whenever Remus’s name flashes on his phone screen, and no matter what, he can’t stop himself from smiling each and every time he sees a new message. It’s like he’s 14 again, which is not a fun time to remember (both because his parents were extremely awful to him, though Sirius isn’t sure why beside maybe it being around when he developed a habit of talking back to them - _and_ it was that unfortunate year when Sirius dyed the ends of his hair blue for a My Chemical Romance concert. He despises the fact that James still has photos of him looking like that). All those butterflies in his stomach whenever he as much as thinks of seeing Remus again… he really is like a teenager in love. Which… he guesses he still is a teenager, technically. He feels like he should be 29, rather than 19, with the amount of responsibilities he has.

Well… his fault for leaving his house at 18, he guesses. And while he doesn’t get the typical college experience, he doesn’t really mind. Or at least doesn’t mind until the stove needs to be cleaned after dinner.

**From: Rem**

8.10PM

_I can’t believe someone thought you’d be fit to care for another human being._

**To: Rem**

8.12PM

_i resent the implication. i’ll have you know i’m an excellent chef_

**From: Rem**

8.19PM

_guess you’ll just have to prove that one day_

*

“And she goes ‘ _Sirius Orion Black, what in the name of the Lord are you doing there?!’_ I swear, she was _so_ pale, she looked so close to passing out. Sirius had detention for like two whole months.”

“Won the bet though,” Sirius says, sipping on the whiskey in his hand, flashing James a grin. Telling stories from school is his absolute favourite thing; it’s the best memories of his life. Well, maybe besides all the detentions he had to sit through.

“Your middle name is _Orion?_ ” asks Remus, brows high in amusement. Sirius is so happy he agreed to meet at the pub again; Sirius hasn’t got his face memorised quite enough just yet - not enough to draw him, at least. And he even dug out a whole new sketchbook that he plans to fill with images of Remus’s face. James thinks it’s a bit creepy - Sirius just thinks Remus is his new _muse._

“After my dad,” he explains.”It’s like _a thing_ in the family, the firstborn son is always named after the father.”

“That’s… interesting. Especially seeing that your first name is Sirius.”

Sirius shrugs - forgetting Remus can’t exactly see that. “I come from a really weird, posh family.”

“He’s actual royalty,” Lily chimes in. It’s just them, James, and Lily tonight; Marlene said she’s sleeping off a studying session, and Fabian is visiting a boyfriend over the weekend. Sirius likes it that way, though. Lily and James are family.

“Okay, don’t exaggerate. I’m _aristocracy,_ there’s a difference.”

“Wait, really?” Remus asks, this time disbelief showing on his face.

Sirius nods. “Although, y’know… I don’t really… associate myself with the rest of my family, so to say,” or that being the simplest way to say it without having to explain 18 years of emotional and physical abuse. Not quite something you drop on someone you’ve known less than two weeks. “-but when it comes to blood? I am some sort of a late descendant of French aristocracy, as far as I know.”

“You’re French?”

“Yeah.”

“You sound-”

“British?”

“I was gonna say like the Queen, but yeah.”

Sirius snorts. He’s usually annoyed at people calling out the ‘posh’ accent he has, but when it’s Remus, he doesn’t find it so bad.

“My whole family is French, and I was born in Paris, but moved to Britain when I was about… six? Ish? Sometimes shortly after my brother was born - it's like a thing in the family, they want all the kids to be born in France, as if that makes a difference. So that’s where the accent’s from. That, and I had British nannies.”

“He has this stupid French name,” Lily says, frowning. “I can never remember it but it’s very generic and sounds really stupid.”

“Jean-Jacques, Lilian, it’s really not that hard to remember.”

“So wait... you have, what, three middle names?!”

“No, that’s actually one name, it’s with a dash in the middle? But, yeah, it is quite extraordinary.”

“So your full name is…?”

“Sirius Orion Jean-Jacques Black. The Third.”

 _“... the third?_ ”

“Yes, there were two more Siriuses before me. But ‘The Third’ thing isn’t technically in my name. I think. It’s not on my ID, anyway.”

Remus blinks at him, and then laughs. “You are probably the most extraordinary person I’ve ever met.”

Sirius really hopes the lighting in the bar is dim enough so James and Lily don’t see his flushed face. He won’t be forgetting those words anytime soon.

“Honestly you don’t know even half of it just yet,” James chimes in, smiling at Sirius in that strange way again. _’You’re so into him it hurts to look,’_ he’s thinking (and Sirius knows that because after knowing that man ever since they were little kiddies, it’s really not hard to figure out what he’s thinking). Sirius sticks his tongue out at him. “You know he was born in an actual castle? Like with towers and shit?”

* * *

When it’s time for Sirius to walk Remus to his street, it’s way past midnight. Sirius is positively tipsy, alcohol buzzing in his head, and he cheerfully babbles alongside Remus. He finds that alcohol always makes him much happier, even if he’s not quite drunk yet - he draws a line nowadays. As a teen (after the tender age of 15, when he broke into his parent’s liquor cabinet for the very first time) he’d drink til passing out - but ever since he started caring for his brother, he doesn’t really allow himself get completely smashed. But, since Reg is at home, and Sirius has a free weekend for the first time in ages, there’s no harm in getting just a little bit tipsy.

It’s helping with easing the nervousness he’s come to feel around Remus, at least.

“‘ve always wanted a guide dog, y'know?” Remus says - painfully sober, but seemingly still enjoying Sirius’s buzzed company, which Sirius appreciates greatly. “Not really for the help part. I mean, it’d be nice not to have to have the damn cane, but I just _really_ want a dog, I’ve always wanted one so badly. Mum never let me, though, and after I lost my sight, I kind of forgot about it.”

“You weren’t always blind?” Probably not something Sirius should ask so outright. But he’s tipsy, and the fact he’s - as always - functions on rather little sleep only seems to be boosting the alcohol level in his blood.

Remus, though, doesn’t seem necessarily bothered - or, if he is, he doesn’t let it show. “Nah, I was in an accident. I was… five? Six? Young, anyway. I don’t really remember it, but mum tells me it was some sort of chemical infection after I fell into a pond.”

“What were the chemicals doing in that pond?”

“No idea. The police had a theory that someone maybe had been pouring bleach or doing laundry in it - I live in the countryside, happens sometimes. So not only I almost drowned, but my eyes stopped working. No one ever came forward about pouring stuff down there, though.”

“I guess you were kind of lucky,” Sirius mumbles. “Y’know… you could’ve died.”

“Or gotten some serious internal damage, yeah. I’ve never been bothered about my eyes too much, really, since I really did get extremely lucky. I have loving parents, good friends, I get to go to university, which lets me have most books I'd like to read. I never saw it as a tragedy.”

Damn. That’s… a mature approach to something so disastrous. If it were Sirius, he’d probably complain every other minute of every damn day. And Remus has just… accepted it. Lived with it, learned to cope with it.

The more of him Sirius knows, the more he finds himself falling. Maybe he’s not quite in love just yet, but… he really wouldn’t mind if that happened. Remus seems like a good kind of person to love. And someone who deserves it, too.

There’s a rather painful jab to his side. “You’re drifting away.”

“Ah, sorry… Think I drank a bit more than I planned.”

Remus snorts in reply. “You should really try to sleep it off when you’re back home.”

Sirius finds himself nodding absently; they’re just around the corner from the street Remus lives on.

“Listen,” Sirius says when they come to a stop. “My brother is staying over at a friend’s tomorrow night-” Sirius isn’t exactly sure if he trusts that. After all, Regulus is turning 15 soon, and he’s staying at a _girl’s_ house. He doesn’t fancy becoming an uncle within the next 10 years, _at least_. But he trusts Reg to make good choices (he is the smart one, after all - or so everyone always said) - so he hasn’t said much about it. He just hopes and prays he’s making a good call. A baby is the last thing they need there. “So me n’ Jamie thought of having a movie night. I know you’re not too big on movies, but… you wanna come? I think it could be fun. It’s just gonna be Jamie and Lils, anyway, so just a small crowd. You don’t have to if you don’t want to! If you think it’s gonna be boring, which I guess it might be, since you obviously can’t, uh, see the movies, maybe you don’t feel like coming, so you know, I’m not forcing you but I just think-”

“You really babble when you’re drunk, huh?”

“‘m not drunk,” Sirius immediately says. “Tipsy.”

Remus rolls his eyes. “Well, you do babble. I’d love to come to a movie night. I do, however, require snacks. And you’ll have to tell me what’s going on, most likely.”

Sirius can’t help but smile. “It’ll be my pleasure.”

*

Sirius sleeps a total of three hours that night - but he doesn’t mind. The second he wakes up, after he takes a shower and gets his hair up and away from his face, he goes on a cleaning spree.

If it were just James and Lily, he wouldn’t care - he doesn’t like cleaning, and he knows they understand that he doesn’t exactly have the time nor the energy for it. But this time it’s also _Remus._ Sirius can’t just ask him to come over to his flat and have it looking like it usually does - which is, well… a mess. Back when they lived at home, they had maids and cooks and pretty much a full service 24/7, so it’s not like Sirius or Reg had any cleaning habits, even small stuff like picking up their toys as little kids was never something they had to do.

Now, Sirius technically knows Remus can’t exactly _see_ the mess, but he’d still feel beyond embarrassed to even think of having Remus be here surrounded by it. He’s just being a good host, is all.

The day passes extremely fast like that - Sirius swipes and then mops the floors, dusts off all the surfaces in the main room, makes sure there’s no cobwebs nor spiders in any corners (that, though, is something he checks for rather regularly - Reg is terrified of spiders, and as much as Sirius likes to inconvenience him, the last time he saw a spider in his bedroom, he almost cried; Sirius isn’t that big of a dick to enjoy seeing his own brother cry). He makes sure the laundry is done, and the bathroom smells nice and fresh, and there’s nothing on the floor Remus could possibly trip on. He makes lunch in the meantime, then drops Regulus off at his friend’s house, and before he even blinks, it’s 7, and Lily and James arrive.

They took care of the snacks - and as always, there’s far too many things for just four people. Sirius knows their little game well by now; they buy so many things that there’s still a lot of leftover so Sirius has no choice but to store it and keep it. He hates it beyond imagination - yes, maybe things are a little rough, but he’s earning enough to cover the necessities, including feeding himself and his brother - he doesn’t comment on it, though. As much as he’d love to have yet _another_ fight (and boy do they fight about this a lot), he leaves them to prepare all food, and leaves to pick up Remus.

He doesn’t live too far from Sirius’s place - just a ten minute drive on his bike. He’s already waiting when Sirius pulls over to the side of the road - and he’s wearing what’s possibly the cosiest, biggest sweater Sirius has _ever_ seen. It’s a lovely, pastel yellow colour, and Remus is _drowning_ in it.

It’ll haunt Sirius in his dreams.

“I’ve never been on a bike before,” Remus says, walking up a few steps to greet Sirius.

“‘s not too scary. You’ll have to hold on tight, but you’ll do great. Here, uhm-” Sirius has a spare helmet - he’s not _that_ irresponsible to just ask Remus to ride with him without anything protecting that precious head of his - but he’s not sure if Remus can figure out how to put it on by himself. He’s not an idiot, but he could put it on backwards- “I have a helmet for you? It’s uh-” he opts for just shoving it into Remus’s hands, probably a bit too harshly. “It’s facing forward, so just put it on like that.”

Remus in the helmet and with _that_ sweater is also an image that’ll haunt Sirius probably for months to come.

With a bit of manoeuvring - which involved _touching hands_ \- Remus was seated on Baby, behind Sirius ( _hugging him from behind!)._

“Ready?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” he laughs. His voice comes out a bit muffled due to the helmet, but when his grip tightens around Sirius’s chest, Sirius takes that as a yes.

The ride takes only ten minutes - all that time, Sirius wishes he lived farther away. The freedom of his bike, and Remus’s arms around him are all he feels he needs, all he wants. All his worries are stripped away, even if for just those short, precious few minutes. He’d be happy to drive off into the sunset like this - just drive, and never look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> at the beginning they’re talking about Francis Bacon, the dude had a rather interesting life so yeah, check his wiki out if you’re interested in some fun art history

**Author's Note:**

> say hi to me on tumblr @casualmaraudering!


End file.
